I can relate how you feel about returning to the same place and feeling sullen. That’s what I am going through right now. After elatedly living in Kenya for 16 months and following 3 months out of Africa, I returned to live in Zambia. The feelings of excitement and newness aren’t there like they were earlier. Was it the infatuation wearing off? I don’t know. Several factors could contribute to how I am currently feeling. I lived on a school campus in a rural area 9 hours bus ride away from the capital city of Nairobi. I was with 250 deaf children 24/7 and felt very much part of the school community. Now I live in the capital city of Lusaka, in a middle class suburban neighborhood, commute downtown by bus, and work in an office. I could be doing the same thing back in U.S. which I got away from. So, right now I am trying to figure out what to do or how to change the picture that I feel is not right. I miss working and hanging out with deaf children and youth. It is my intend to make the best out of the situation I am in, maximize my capacity, and create an impact.

I’ve also always been asked for how long I am staying. After replying that I’ll be here for one year, people say I should stay for two or three as one isn’t enough. More often than not, I’ve been asked for handouts, for example, money, telephone credit, American visa, job, scholarship, or whatever I have.

Many people in Kenya and Zambia know American Sign Language. So when they are around me, they tend to shift towards what they think I want to see. I tell them I prefer that they stay true to their own sign language and that I can follow for most part. If I don’t understand a sign, I’ll just ask. I do see the “Observer Effect” happening here.

Wishing you all the best at graduate school.

This, my son, you are doing. There may be imperfections along the way or differing expectations largely born of varying cultural compasses or individual or family (Kasun, e.g.) support or non-support…but you are attempting and achieving at the highest level of support that can be attained. Your impact may be felt for years or generations, and I suspect most of that impact will be positive - NOT a version of the arrogance brought by the “white man’s burden”. You are sharing concepts of self-worth (not fiscal worth) and personal and group capabilities. This may not blend perfectly with a Buddhist or otherwise non-Western culture, but trust in your friends and the Rohana kids to assimilate your lessons and examples.

You’ve recognized that David & Nerissa have to deal w/ this conundrum on an ongoing basis. They could sit in their front yard for years and use their resources to dole out rupees to a never-ending line of needy recipients. However, know also that some of those gifts would be corrupting and might lead to unexpected and unintended negative consequences. Instead, they have taught hundreds how to fish (metaphorically, ofc).

And so have you.

xo

p.s. - this blog entry was a masterpiece. thanks for sharing w/ us and enlightening us.

‘whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s’

What I would like to let you know is that the answers are right under our nose. Where else would we find them? With respect to your values, I believe that the answers come when it is the right time. As long as you follow your intuition, you will never go wrong. Listen to your inner voice, which is tapped to a wisdom greater than that which can be contained individually in our bodies.

You have all the resources you need for your journey. The same is also true for every soul you meet. Ultimately, it doesnt matter who owns what. Everything is borrowed, anyway. What has brought me comfort is knowing that 50% of life and living is under our own willpower, and the rest is up to the grace of the universe.

hugs,

Brian

Beautiful post! You did a wonderful job illustrating and discussing a hard, hard issue. I went through some of this during my summer in the plains of central Russia. I was 20 at the time and relatively naive. I went with a group though, along with experienced leaders from America who talked with us about these feelings and struggles. Their focus was along the lines of– giving the people the tools and know-how to make their lives better. We taught them about advocacy and petitioning the government for accommodations and accessibility.

Being the carefree 20 year old I was and not wanting to pocket a dime of my per diem– I just took my deaf pals out for meals. We drank heartedly and enjoyed good conversations. I now wonder if I should have just given them the cash and allowed them to make better use of it. I don’t know.

I believe that you have impacted the Sri Lanka community in ways both conscious and unconscious. You are a shining example of what deaf people can achieve! You also show them the value of helping others around you.

During my experience in Russia, people would ask me for money or to help them escape to America. I always said, I didn’t have the money, I didn’t come to give them money. I came to share my experience and knowledge with them. I explained that if I gave them some money today, they would use it up and be asking me for more in a week, or a month or a year. That if helped teach them about lobbying their government for equal access, better education, etc — they could help themselves, their communities and generations after them. That’s kind of the mentality behind the ADA, VR, etc. To give people the tools they need to improve their own lives. Along the lines of self-sufficiency or self-determination.

Have you talked to them about civil rights for deaf people? Better education and employment opportunities? I don’t have the slightest idea of what it’s like over there.

Warmest regards,
Andrew

Adam, I know it is easy to dispair, but you HAVE made a difference in their lives, whether it’s obvious to you right now or not. Some of your influence may not become apparent right away. Maybe they will look at themselves differently in some way because of you. Maybe they will dream bigger dreams because of you.

You cannot save everyone. You are wrestling with the same issues that every philanthropist must deal with, from Oprah to Bill Gates to Michael Steinhardt. One of the biggest and most admirable things about you is that you went there wanting to teach and help, but you also were willing to learn and accept their ways. Many “great white saviors” are never able to accomplish the second part, and often I think they do more harm than good. You respect them. You have offered what you could, and the biggest gift you have given them is yourself.

I’m much like you, I don’t like fund raising, I actually rather contribute in other ways. Not that I’m wholly against fund raising, it’s just not my thing either. althugh I truly can’t imagine what it’s like to have all these people ask you for assistance and even though you do have the means to help them out, you have to say no. it can’t be the easiest thing in the world for you to make that decision. I hope you find some answers, if just one.